All my life, I have understood the necessity to constantly be making changes. The world is changing rapidly and it always will. We as people will get swallowed up and thrown wayside if we don’t adapt, and we will lose out on endless things in life by not doing so. The realization that everyone communicates differently and no one method works. Some people respond to texts right away, others a day later, others never, some want emails, some just want to hear a voice. I could go on and on. I have learned to communicate differently to different people and at times it disturbs me that no one rule applies to all. Perhaps technology is the major problem here, but I think it goes way deeper. I think it is the way we perceive and try to conjure up the message from the recipient based on the time it took to reply, or the length of the text, or the certain emoticon that was used. It is absurd to think that we could possibly ever understand what the other person is really thinking.
Over the years I pretty much lived and mentally survived on the concept of behaving or acting the way I feel people want me to be. If someone was serious and business like, I will be the same. If someone is flirty and forward, I will be the same. If someone is quiet and respectful, I will be the same. In this equation, though I would never be who I really am. I learned that people seem to throw out “leader lines” in anticipation of the desired response. You know, when you tell someone how good they look, knowing they are going to turn around and give you the desired response back. With this choice of communication, why don’t we just stand in front of the mirror and tell ourselves. No one is really being true to themselves. Personally, I am stuck in a fantasy world, creating relationships internally with others that are most likely as far from the truth as it could ever be. However, I managed to convince myself that this is healthy. IT IS NOT!!!!! Reality is healthy. Being here and Now is healthy, being true to one’s self is healthy. I think I got caught up in the desire the belief to believe that what goes on in my head is all good, as long as it is not acted upon. I dwell on the age old adage, “if only I had….” No one in this world makes perfect decisions all the time. The world was not meant to be this way. The other day my girlfriend and I were watching a bald eagle perched right above us. I took maybe fifty photos and a few came out absolutely amazing. I included one below.
All is perfect in my eyes. Then IT happened. As the Eagle flew off I snapped my photo and was milliseconds from having possibly one of the most incredible photos ever. As I looked down at my camera to see if I got it, my heart sank. So close, yet at the same time so far. As I imagined what the photo could of looked like, I could not curb the feeling of what I just missed. Let me get this straight. I am surrounded by beauty having the moment of my life and this is what I am focusing on. Not the fact that I am with a beautiful woman, in God’s country, witnessing some of God’s greatest creatures, and being fortunate enough to possess a piece of technology that allows me to capture this moment. Shouldn’t I be thankful I got to see this creature with my own two eyes regardless of whether I had my camera or not. I am blessed, and have no right to spend more than two seconds thinking about what I missed. Be here, be now, be present.
As I grow older and hopefully wiser, I am learning to appreciate the moment, not what could have been, or even perhaps what could be. This is not how I lived the last 35 years. While I partake in endless activities, at the same time, I partake in endless fantasies adjusting the perimeter of how I would of liked it to go. While I have a long way to go to cleaning the inside of my head out, I now realize that by minimizing the intake perhaps all will slowly fade away. The last ten years I wasted endless hours texting artificial relationships and mere fluffery in hopes of receiving the same back. By just creating the moment in real life without having to conjure up some fantasy will make all the difference in the world. Hopefully by writing I will clear some cobwebs and maybe make a difference to those out there that are doing the same. Go live life, be true to those in your life that are there for you and not those who merely are playing the mirror. There is no need for a fantasy world. Everything we need has already been given to us.